♥ Two ♥

She would be two this week.

Two years ago, I was dreaming of ribbons, ruffles and lace.  Two years ago, I was blissfully unaware.

The searing pain has eased, replaced with a gentle reminder of things that should have been.  A thousand dreams rest quietly in my heart, afraid to be shared because they make people uncomfortable.  I belong to an exclusive club, with a cruel initiation.  But within that club, a common bond forms and the memories are safe to share; they’re sacred, understood and far too few.

Cooper asked me today what kind of birthday cake I planned on making for Ireland’s birthday. I hadn’t let myself think about her birthday, I am getting better at compartmentalizing that part of my heart.  I asked him if he wanted to celebrate her birthday and he said yes.  Then he asked me something that broke the carefully placed wall I’ve created.

“Would you still celebrate my birthday if I lived in heaven like Ireland?”

I felt my face fall, he wanted reassurance that I wouldn’t forget him if the unthinkable happened. I hugged him tight and told him that I would celebrate him for the rest of forever.  He looked at me and told me, “Well, I think we should celebrate Ireland for the rest of forever too.”

She would be two this week.  She is  celebrating her birthday with Jesus, and we are celebrating her birthday around our kitchen table, with cupcakes and ice cream and dreams of what should have been.

Ireland would be two this week. I am thankful for Cooper’s gentle reminder that my daughter deserves a  celebration!

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  1. Been thinking of you & your family & your precious <3 Ireland <3
    Love ya always <3

    Happy Heavenly 2nd Birthday Ireland

  2. Beautifully written Jess. Thinking of you in a special way this week.

  3. My dear friend,
    I hope and pray the searing pain releases for me also. You give me hope..thank you for celebrating Ireland forever.

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