Ctrl Z, I'm Sorry

God has a funny way of making sure we don’t forget what he’s asked us to do. He keeps nudging, reminding and coming into our thoughts until we just surrender and say “Ok God, I’ll listen.” This week has been like that for me. I have had a work relationship that has been less than stellar, I have not been nice to this co-worker since she started over a month ago, and it didn’t bother me until Thursday. I went out to dinner with three of my very funny and very awesome friends who also happen to work with me. We had a great time and I think the waitress thought we were nuts, suffice it to say that the evening ended with my friend wearing a sombraro and me wearing a gorilla mask ( I promise I only had one Margarita). It was hysterical. 🙂

Sorry, I got off subject…back on track. Anyway, we started talking about work and this new employee, my friend made a comment in passing that, “Julie, is terrified of you Jessica. She thinks you’re so mean.” (Julie is not her real name, I am protecting the innocent.) I honestly felt like my friend had punched me in the gut, I am supposed to be representing Christ through my actions and words, I would never want to be intentionally mean to anyone, but I have.

I went home on Thursday night, and was thinking about what my friend had said, and I heard this little voice, (do you know the voice?) “Jessica, you’re not setting the example, you’re not doing what I asked you to do. Jess my love, you need to make this right.” GRRRRRRR. I didn’t want to, Couldn’t I just start over and be nice from now on, that would be ok, right? WRONG. He wasn’t asking me to forget and move on, he was asking me to take a step out of my comfort zone, admit I was wrong, apologize and ask for forgiveness.

I didn’t want to, I don’t like being wrong, and I like it even less when I have to admit I am wrong; pride maybe? So God and I visited back and forth on Friday, “Jess, make it right, listen to me, please make it right.” I don’t want to ignore those nudges, but it is so hard for me to admit fault and choose to do the right thing. On Saturday, as I was driving to work, I decided that I would talk to “Julie.” So when I got to work, I grabbed an I’m sorry card and sat down to write it out. I am better at written words, than I am at verbalizing things, whenever I try to say things, they seem to come out jumbled and unproductive. I knew that I had to actually say the words, but the card seemed to sum it up better.

When I called her and asked her to come up to my office, I sensed her hesitation, and that humiliated me. How could I have been so creepy to someone who has never done anything but be kind to me? So when she came to my office, I gave her the card and told her that I was so sorry for being unkind. I asked her to read it and to forgive me. She took it and a few minutes later came up, with tears in her eyes and gave me a really big hug. She simply said thank you, and that she would like to start over as well. I was glad that she was willing to try again, but I was left feeling ashamed and unsettled. I never want to be a a person who isn’t reaching out to others, I want to set an example and make God proud to call me his child. So I made a resolution to myself, that I would try and see each person in my sphere of influence like he sees them, as a dearly loved child.

Ephesians 5:1-2 is the person that I want to be, Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

I am asked to Love, and to be willing to love people that are difficult for me to love. That is a tall order, but with his help, I can grow into that kind of person, one who loves no matter the cost, and one who represents Christ in all of my actions.


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