Heartbeat

Yesterday, our baby’s birth mom had a doctor’s appointment.  When we first knew that they had picked us as parents, I prayed that I would be able to experience her pregnancy along side her, I wanted to feel him kicking, watch her grow and hear that steady little bump-bump-bump.

While we were talking one day, she asked me if we wanted to be in the room when he was born, I didn’t hesitate, I absolutely wanted to be there.  Kevin graciously declined stating, “I didn’t even want to be there when my own kids were born.”  I have to say, for not wanting to be there, he was  darn good at faking it!   Yesterday, she had her 35-week appointment, and I got to be there.  It was such an odd expereince, hearing my baby from the outside.  When the doctor put the dopplar on her belly and I heard that familiar woosh, I was a puddle.

Heart Beat <–click here.

That is my child,  he is growing in my heart and someone else’s womb.

There aren’t words to describe that feelings that were coursing through my brain and heart.  Kevin and I are nothing important, we’re ordinary and content with that.  How are we worthy enough to be trusted with these lives that we’re shaping into boys and men and husbands and father’s?  The job seems so big, and my ability so small.

Last week, when it felt like everything was falling apart, I heard the voice telling me to trust.  When I recognized my inability to make this adoption work, and turned it over to the One who called us to this place, I felt this surrmountable measure of peace wash over me.  As I was telling my friend about the calm that came when I gave my angst over to God, a verse washed through my heart;

 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  –2 Corinthians 12:9

His power is made perfect when I am unable to formulate a mere plan.  This adoption is for HIS glory, not ours.  There is some kind of awakening that will happen through the experience of bringing this baby into our home.  Kevin and I don’t know what that looks like, but we are  committed to seeing this through to fruition.

This precious soul is due in a month, and to say that I am excited, would be an understatement!  It’ with joyful hearts and great expectations that we walk into this next chapter of our lives.

 

Blessings,

Jess

 

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