One of the hardest things that Kevin and I have had to face is telling our boys about Ireland’s death. When we came home from the hospital, Cooper and Mac knew something was up, Their routine had been altered, and that is not something that is done in our house. Routine and scheduling is how I make it through the day.
So when we sat on the couch and told them about Ireland, Cooper cried. He cried these gut-wrenching sobs, that broke our already broken hearts. “Mommy, I really wanted this baby sister, Why did this happen?” I told them both what I knew. That her body was weak and that Jesus saw that she was hurting and that he called her home to heaven, and that because we believe in Jesus we would see her again. That seemed to satisfy his questions. Mcguire didn’t say much he just sat there and acted like a typical 3-year old.
They flooded Kevin and I with questions about heaven, what’s it like? Will we sit on clouds and play harps? What will we do? Golf? Baseball? Skiing? (these was of the utmost importance), Other kids? Will we know each other? Will there be animals? Will Jesus recognize us? Will Ireland know us? All of these questions that their sweet 3 and 7-year old brains couldn’t seem to process. I found myself wondering the same thing? What will heaven be like? It seems too fantastic to imagine…but I am know that whatever God has created heaven to be, it will be beyond our wildest imagination.
Kevin and I have had several conversations with the boys since that first night, and all of them have been about heaven. How can we go there so we can be with Ireland again? It makes my heart do a little flip-flop when we talk about it, because their expectations are so simple. We told them how to get to heaven. “Ask Jesus into your heart, let him be the boss of your life.”: You know what, they did and they believe. Why? Trust. My kids know that Kevin and would never put them in jeapordy, they TRUST us. So they believe what we tell them about Jesus and his amazing love.
So why is trusting Jesus with my saftey and my life so hard? I honestly don’t have an answer. But, I am going to pray about this and think about why I keep taking control back and doing things my way. Because anyone who knows me, knows that I totally can handle things on my own…..
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
I think I will remember this.