Painting a Pig

Last Thursday was one of the hardest days that I have had since losing Ireland. The funny thing is, there was no specific thing that made it so difficult. It just stunk.

The day started the same as every other day, get up, shower, drink large cup of coffee, eat some form of breakfast, and check facebook. (I have an addiction). Then it’s onto the boys. Get them up, showered, dried off, clothed, hair combed, fed, watered, teeth brushed, beds made, shoes on, backpacks packed, coats on, homework found (losing it is a daily occurrence), diaper bag packed (hopefully that will be falling off of the list soon, Moose is starting to make some potty-training progress. He will pee in the toilet, or on the floor, or on his mother, or really anywhere the urge strikes him, thank goodness for hardwood floors).

 I herded Cooper and the carpool kids to school and was off to Bible Study. Once I hit the doors of the church, it was like a dam broke, and I lost all composure, I was a wreck, I managed to get the boys into their classes and I ducked into the closest ladies room, locked myself into a stall and just sobbed. I am sure it was quite the noise for the ladies washing their hands. I sort-of got it together, but I just felt weak, ridiculous and drained.

By the time I left study, I just wanted to break things, it didn’t matter what it was. I could feel this anger just welling up and out of me, it was scary. I had my two little guys with me, and the last thing that they needed to see was their mommy lose it. So I stuffed it.

I gave myself a little goal, if I could make it until 2:20 when Cooper got out of school, I would take the kids to a pottery shop and we would paint pottery (I was fully intending to grab the nearest pot and just smash it.) I didn’t care if it made a mess, and I honestly didn’t care how much it would cost. I just wanted to break it into little pieces, and then stomp on it. Mature I know. But that was my plan.

We got to the pottery shop with my pot smashing plan firmly in place, and this is what happened….. I couldn’t bring myself to smash anything, all the pieces were too interesting to ruin….they were nothing special, just plain pieces of clay, but what made me stop and look around, is that those pieces were just like me, nothing special, just ordinary….but given the right kind of artist, they would become something beautiful. Something spectacular.

The reason for this blog is simple; it is all about this very concept. It is about taking something plain, and in my case broken, and turning it into something incredible and useable.

“Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Jeremiah 18:2-4

I am learning, and praying this passage over and over, please Lord, mold me into what seems best to you, not my will but yours.  Your will, Lord. I trust you, I know you are making me into something beautiful!

Love to you all,

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  1. (((Jessica)))) I hope you never feel ridiculous when you have moments when you lose your composure. I can understand weak and drained, but not ridiculous. You are grieving and you are going to have moments/days like this. Did you have some major victory over something a few days back? I find that when there is a victory over something, the enemy doesn't like it and will try anything to take that away from a person. Would happen to me all the time during crises. Just a thought to keep track of. I'm glad you didn't smash pottery and I think that is an awesome Scripture you are praying. I know God is working through your life. I know this is incredibly hard. I know you will have ups and downs. And I also know God is walking right alongside you. I know he will use this for his glory and I know you are allowing him to work in your life. you are always in my prayers.

    (but I disgree with what you wrote, you are something special, you are not ordinary 🙂


  2. …beautiful post, Jess…

    Have you picked up your pottery yet? If not – just wait. Once it's fired, it's SPECTACULAR! 🙂

    Call me if you need a girls painting night / or day. 🙂


  3. Jess,
    i love ready your posts, you are real and i love that.
    i can still remember having A&P with Mrs. Pomroy and how we would always discuss what we wanted to name our kids… good memories.
    love ya,

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