See

Today I see things differently….Last night at Cooper’s game, I sat talking to a mom while we kept score and counted pitches. Interestingly it’s incredibly difficult to score baseball and have a meaningful conversation at the same time. I am sure our dialogue sounded something like a sputtering engine with bad timing….stop, start, stop, start……..stall completely, and so on.

But in one of those moments where there was a lull between innings, she shared something with me and I don’t think she even knew how it rocked me to my center.  You see, she too is a mom of boys; three of them who are older than mine by a few years.  Somehow the subject of kids came up and we were talking about daughters.  I told her that I would love a little girl someday.  She agreed and told me that she also had a hard time coming to a point where she was content not to have a daughter.

She told me, almost as if she could see right through me, ” I had to sort out, whether I wanted a daughter, or if I wanted another child. ”

I thought about that for a few moments, and sadly I had to answer, I don’t want another child, I just want a daughter.  Please hear me when I say, if I got pregnant and had another son, he would be loved.  But in the deep recesses of my being, I know that I would be disappointed.  It sickens me to say that, but it’s honest, and sometimes honest isn’t kind.

So today, I see things a little clearer, my heart is heavier because to evaluate yourself honestly sometimes doesn’t feel so wonderful.  But God knew the timing of our conversation, and I am so thankful for people who come into my life at just the right moment.

B, if you’re reading this, thanks so much for the wisdom and for understanding the want that I hold so tightly to.  I value your insight so much!

I am joining up with The Gypsy Mama, for Five-Minute-Friday.

1. One Topic 2.  No editing.  3.  Five-Minutes.  4.  Encourage another writer along the way!

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Comments

  1. Jess, you want what was so unfairly taken from you….don’t be too hard on yourself. You want the experience of raising a daughter…that is not wrong or unkind. Our girls would of been our pride and joy and to “want” for what we didn’t get a chance to do is completely normal. Love you girl!

  2. I COMPLETELY agree with Kori. Praying for you BOTH that you are given the desire of your heart, a daughter whether biological or through adoption to love here on Earth.

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