Tear Soup

I bought a book about grief on Monday, it’s called Tear Soup.  I don’t think I have ever found a book that explains grief as simply and as completely as this one does.

This grief that I am experiencing changes so much from day-to-day.  Some days are good, I can move through with no real set backs.  Other days are just completely overwhelming.  That is how this last few weeks have been.  Dark and lonely and incredibly overwhelming. 

We had to say goodbye to Kevin’s grandma the end of June, watching her grow sicker and sicker, and finally give up her courageous battle, was something that couldn’t really be prepared for.  She was such an amazing woman, full of spunk and sass. With a heart as big as the sky.  She loved our boys and would frequently look at me and say, “Wow, you live in a Zoo.”

Losing her, opened a whole new chapter in the grief manual, especially for my kids.  We again have had so many talks about death, why we die?  How we are going to die?  and the hardest one for me to answer is, “Mommy, why does God keep taking the people that we love?”  How do you answer that, when as an adult I find myself asking the very same things.

I know Grandma June is in heaven with Jesus, I can trust that, and I know that her suffering is over.  But I am a coward, I don’t like to have to deal with things that are hard, and ugly and scary.  I just want my life to be tidy, and simple and not full of angry emotions, doubts and fears.

Mcguire and I were sitting together on the 4th of July, watching the fireworks show and he looks up and me and grabs my face and asks me, “Mommy, what do you think the fireworks look like from up in heaven?  Do you think Ireland and Grandma June are sitting together watching them?”  Yep  Mac, I certainly do.  I think that Grandma June and little Ireland had a great time watching the show from their heavenly perspective.

As I was reading Tear Soup in the bookstore, I came across a page that really just hit the nail on the head,

“‘So what else have you learned by making tear soup, Grandy?'”
“‘I’ve learned that grief, like a pot of soup, changes the longer it simmers and the more things you put into it. I’ve learned that sometimes people say unkind things, but they really don’t mean to hurt you.'”
“‘And most importantly, I’ve learned that here is something down deep within all of us ready to help us survive the things we think we can’t survive.”

I find it incredibly refreshing that a children’s book could teach me more about grief that the ten or so other “grief manuals” I have been given over the last few months. 

I hope you all have a great day, and sorry for the bad blogging as of recently.  Somethings you just have to sort out in your heart, before they make sense on paper (or in this case a computer screen.)

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