Did the title snag you?
When I began reading this blog shortly after it began, Mercer was 4-months old ( he’s 4 1/2 now). I was sitting on my couch late one night, eyes blurred from tears. How could a mama ever be brave enough to share her story of loss and grief with such transparency that people world-wide would be moved to prayer and to compassion for someone who lives thousands of miles away?
Looking back, I see the beginning of God’s plan for our family unfolding. Just a glimpse into one mother’s grief and the shocking realization that people have babies that die. This woman’s story changed my life. That first night when I read Audrey’s story from the beginning I fell on my knees beside my bed, and prayed that God would watch over my boys, that his hedge of protection would be strong and secure. I felt broken and small, and wasn’t sure why? It was just some other person’s story…..but something in her words drew me in and began a transformation in my relationship with Christ and where my focus centered.
Fast forward to January 2010……I woke the early in the morning on January 28th and poured my heart out to the daughter that 48 hours before, was still growing inside of me. Later that morning I sent an email to Angie Smith the woman who’s story had started preparing me for the journey I was unwillingly walking. I wanted to use the song that Angie’s husband and sister-in-law had written for their baby girl’s funeral. Later that day, an email granted me permission and the MP3 file as well.
Later in 2010 after I had come to terms with my new normal, I picked up Angie’s first book, titled the same as the song played at Ireland’s funeral, “I Will Carry You–A Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy” most of the book were posts taken from her blog and reformatted, but reading through the lens of loss was much different from reading her story as an unaware mom with babies sleeping peacefully in their beds. I struggled through the book, but in the end was so glad that I finished it, her words brought healing in a way no others had. I was (and am) so thankful for her transparency.
Cooper asked me tonight, why I write my feelings and emotions on my blog, “Mom, then everyone will know about what makes you sad.”
“Cooper,” I said, ” The reason I write in a blog is for three reasons, the first reason is so I have a record of our life, for later when I need to look back and remember. The second reason, is that I HOPE my words will have as much impact on others as Angie’s blog has had on me. The third reason, is that I type a LOT faster than I write, and sometimes I have so many thoughts that fumble around in my brain that sometimes they just gush out!
All that back story for this……..This summer, a group of gals and I are doing a book study on Angie Smith’s second book. “What Women Fear” Every Wednesday for the summer we’re going to meet and discuss this book. It should be great. In the back of my mind, spinning around is an idea for a forum where women who don’t live here can join in the discussion…..I would like some feedback from my readers would you be interested in reading along and discussing this book? I have a couple more ideas hanging out in the chasm of my brain…….wondering if they’ll plan out!
I would love to hear your comments and feedback on this little idea of mine! Thanks in advance for thinking about it, and your comments!