Yikes

It’s been six weeks since I have even logged into blogger…..I have missed this journal more than I realized.  These past weeks have been eventful, stressful, and full of good memories to look back on later.

Here is a brief recap:
* August 6th Took My little Mac Shack to the Allergist for the skin tests, we have seen an ENT, pediatrician and have had no luck with his snoring, and breathing while he sleeps.  He sounds like a motorcycle while he sleeps.  Allergies came back negative.  We went in for a sinus x-ray thinking maybe he had something stuck up there…..Nope, but the doctors saw some shadowing that they weren’t sure about.

*August 7th Took my little Mac Shack to the Allergist again, and then over to have a CT scan of his head, to try and see what was causing the shadowing, and to gain a clearer picture of his sinuses.  Doctors called later that afternoon, and told me that they saw “something” growing on/around his brain or skull.  They weren’t sure at that point if it was outside the bone or inside.  The CT isn’t great at looking at details, just broad pictures.

I asked the doctor, what our next step was, and she said she had made an appointment for the following Monday for us to be at the MRI center, and that he was going to be put under anesthesia and have a brain scan.  Of course they deliver possibly life changing news at 4:45pm on a Friday afternoon. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut, so I called Kevin, called my mom, and called all of the people that I know who are prayers (not just the ones, who in passing say….I’ll be praying for you.)  The ones that actually PRAY.

While I got specifics from the Doctor about Monday, I asked her what the worst possible outcome could be.  She didn’t say anything for a second, and then I told her, “Listen, I am not a pessimist I believe that God has my children in the palm of his hand, and that he loves them more than I ever could, but I NEED to know what we could be facing.  I need to know what I have to be praying about and preparing for.  Going through the last 7 months of our life, have taught me a few things,  One of those things is that life doesn’t wait until you’re prepared to challenge and test .  Life catches us off guard and when we’re most vulnerable.

On August 10th I took my little Mac Shack to the MRI center and waited for the procedure to start, Mac fell asleep in the car, and slept through the whole procedure (with the help of some anesthesia)  The scan was quick and we were home that evening with a loopy and giggly 4-year old.  The nurse in the MRI center, was a gem, and she sent us home with some pictures of Mac’s “smart brain.” The doctor told us that they would call us within 48 hours to let us know the results…..more waiting……I can’t think of anything that is harder, than waiting for an answer to a test like that.

We ended up getting the call the next day from the allergist, she was great.  She knew how worried we were, and called the MRI center first thing Tuesday morning to get the results.  The results were negative for anything cancerous, he does indeed have a tumor but it’s a benign fatty growth that shouldn’t cause any problems.

I called Kevin and my mom, and all those who’d been praying and sent a very loud and emotion filled prayer up to the One who holds my kids so securely in his arms. I wonder why, God keeps testing me with my children’s lives.  I think sometimes I hold on too tight to them, and he reminds me that I need to trust him with their lives all of the time, not just when things are scary and unsure.

So to my blogger friends, thanks for reading my posts….and thanks for bearing with the ramblings of a Mama who is still grieving and still trying to navigate the waters of parenting without causing too much future damage that will land my boys in therapy for the rest of their lives! 🙂

Love to you all,

Jessica

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Comments

  1. Jess
    I have missed you but I know what it is like being pregnant after loss. Life after loss with children. Knowing you should always trust but the fear will always eat at me. I think of you so often and you and your family are always close to my heart.

    {{HUGS}}
    Caroline

  2. what a nightmare for all of you Jess. I'm sure it was a very stressful time. I am so grateful and thankful it was “just” something benign and that you have a great support system of loving caring people there praying for you and walking with you through life, truly a blessing indeed! I hope you are well and doing the best you can.

    betty

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